By Chloe Halpin
In recent years, “cutting people off” has become almost a trend. A disagreement, a mistake or even a moment that can feel “weird” can be enough for someone to walk away from a friendship. But in a culture so quick to cut people off, are we protecting our peace or losing the chance to grow with the people who truly matter?
I conducted a survey asking people about honesty, accountability and conflict in friendships. The results reveal a complicated truth, while most people believe honesty and communication are essential, many still avoid confrontation and end friendships without fully expressing why. I’ll also be drawing on insights from Stephanie H. Fallon’s The Good Trade article on navigating difficult conversations, which highlights how hard conversations can actually strengthen relationships when handled with care.
Eighty three percent of respondents said having friends they can be honest with is super important, this tells us that many people want a safe place where you don’t have to pretend. But even when we value that honesty, half of the responses reveal that people feel uncomfortable holding a friend accountable. As Stephanie H. Fallon writes, “a willingness to have difficult conversations is an act of trust,” because it means exposing our vulnerable selves and saying the friendship is worth that risk.
More than half of the respondents said they appreciate friends who push them to be better and challenge them. This echoes Stephanie Fallon’s idea that discomfort isn’t a sign of a broken friendship, but a sign of a real one. A friend who pushes you isn’t trying to start an argument, they’re showing they care enough to tell you the truth, even when it’s messy. Sometimes the hardest conversations are the ones that help us grow the most.
Things took a turn when asked about the confrontation aspect, half of the respondents were willing to speak up while the other half would rather avoid the confrontation with eighty three percent saying they have cut people off without telling them why and the biggest reason was simply miscommunication. That number lines up with Fallon’s argument, ghosting or cutting someone off can be a way of avoiding risk. Yet the act of speaking up might actually signal that the relationship matters more than its comfort level. Avoiding a conversation won’t erase the problem, it just leaves it unresolved which allows for tension and resentment to grow.
While we say we want honest and genuine friendships, it’s a different story when the responsibility falls on us. Ninety percent of respondents said that if a friend came to them with an issue, they would reflect and try to improve. Sixty eight percent said they would communicate their feelings instead of expecting their friend to read their mind. Yet, despite valuing communication and growth, ninety percent admitted they still avoid confrontation to prevent hurting or losing the friendship. Ultimately, everyone wants a friend they can be human with, make mistakes with, friends that challenge them to grow and be better, but yet nobody wants to be the one to bring up the uncomfortable feelings and have the almost awkward conversations.
Friendships play a crucial role in our everyday lives, it’s important that you surround yourself with people that want you to grow and support you when you stumble. The survey agreed that friendships should leave room for change and growth. As Stephanie Fallon points out, choosing to engage in these uncomfortable moments is an act of trust, a way of saying, “You matter to me, and this friendship is worth the effort.”
We all make mistakes, hurt others unintentionally, or fall short sometimes. True friendships leave room for growth, forgiveness, and learning. And while it’s normal to step away from someone who disrespects you or drains your energy, the friendships that survive are the ones where vulnerability and honesty are welcomed, even when it feels awkward or challenging. Sometimes the hardest conversations are the ones that help us grow the most and the friendships that survive them are often the ones that matter the most.